Joke of the day

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1 joke from each member

china are invading united states, their general introduces
on the left flank we have got 5 milions (soldiers)
on the right we have got 3 milions
in the centre shall advance our tanks, questions?
- both tanks?

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND :SSS

so china only has 2 tanks :xXxxxxx

Man on phone:Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Man: No this is her husband speaking…

Swede in a Pub

A Swede was in a pub in Finland and a regular customer suggested to him:
- "I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head." The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure. The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
- "So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Swede.
- "I am not a total idiot," the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."

Q: How do you sink a Swedish battleship?
A: Put it in the water.

Q: Why does the NEW Swedish navy have glass-bottom boats ?
A: To see the OLD Swedish navy.

the same here even I don't understand what was it.

Rousback comes at a bar with his pirate costume. He asks the bartender to: GIVE HIM SOME RUMMMMM!!!

The bartender replies: no alcohol for little kids, have a soda.

Kayos wrote:Rousback comes at a bar with his pirate costume. He asks the bartender to: GIVE HIM SOME RUMMMMM!!!

The bartender replies: no alcohol for little kids, have a soda.

Yesterday he didn't say that, trust me!

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled," Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES, YES, I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded
Finally, one of them asked, "DUDES!!! What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know -.....I thought you were watching."

GUESS MORAL OF THE STORY

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

bad joke men :<

meh, its a good one slay :>


Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

mm i dont find it funny comparing blonds to beer as being stupid... nor dat joke u said :< sry

slay3r wrote:mm i dont find it funny comparing blonds to beer as being stupid... nor dat joke u said :< sry

Well i can make a special joke just for U mY TROLL

im waiting :<

slay3r wrote:im waiting :<

i will post it ima go get supplys then get back and troll u c(:

A convict breaks into a house, and ties up the wife... He jumps on the wife, kisses her ear, then runs to the bathroom ... The husband whispers to his wife “Satisfy him, or he’ll kill us... I saw the way he kissed you!”, just be strong.... The wife replied “He didn’t kiss me, he whispered in my ear he’s gay, horny and looking for the Vaseline.... I told him "it’s in the bathroom."... Let ‘s see who’s strong now!!

ZoD wrote:A convict breaks into a house, and ties up the wife... He jumps on the wife, kisses her ear, then runs to the bathroom ... The husband whispers to his wife “Satisfy him, or he’ll kill us... I saw the way he kissed you!”, just be strong.... The wife replied “He didn’t kiss me, he whispered in my ear he’s gay, horny and looking for the Vaseline.... I told him "it’s in the bathroom."... Let ‘s see who’s strong now!!

haha nice one

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

hahahaha loool
you made me remember this joke XDD

najs one zod

fear that was too much to read so didnt bother XD

slay3r wrote:na

I stopped reading there.

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic.
So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.
The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. 'Ok Les give me the bottle opener, 'I didn't bring it' says Les. 'I thought you packed it'.
Mick gets worried, he turns to Alan, 'Did you bring the bottle opener?? Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener.

Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........

'I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT FU*kING GOING!!'

Ruben0s wrote:

slay3r wrote:na

I stopped reading there.

holy shit. u didnt even read the whole word. :DD u failz :<